Neil Sattin Interviews Kevin Behan

[Chris]

Originally Posted by Heather

Being imperfect is not a good reason not to go

Hi Heather, I just wanted to say I understand your frustration and despair at the moment. I also get days like that were I just want to hang my head and bawl, for not understanding or not knowing what to do in that 'moment' and for those few moments were I think I hate my dog even when I know it's not his fault. I'm slowly getting it thats it's me not Ty but knowing how to deal with me is the hard part

When I have one of those days I find I need to stop and remind myself how far Ty and I have come, how much better our relationship is, I don't think it will ever be prefect because I will always be learning but it is still one hell of a journey, even with the bad days.

I envy you that you can get to Rowe and I hope you will post what you learn, for the likes of myself being 14,500kms away it's just a bit far to go

[BrownieNJoyce]

Originally Posted by Sang

Definitely feel free to lean on this group whenever you need. That's why we're all here. There are so many people out there who won't understand working this way, and because of that, we all need to support each other. It takes a village as they say

Sang, although you were not writing the above to me, I benefit from it as well and appreciate that you are contributing a lot to the NDT community online by doing so. Chris also wrote some great encouragement in this thread. I have had major breakdown moments as well so although this work is not easy, it's amazing and totally where I'm at. In other words, NDT is a really BIG deal in my life since I found out about it a few months ago. It has made such a difference to be able to read and post on the forum and feel part of a community.

I just listened to the Neil-Kevin interview and am looking forward to the phone conference call tomorrow night! I have been practicing yoga for years and used to live in a yoga community so some aspects of what I'm learning from Neil and Kevin fit well with my current understanding of energy and relationship. However, I have so so so much more to learn and am so excited to have this new avenue for growing and changing as I take care of my dog and myself. It's exactly what I need right now to get to another level of inspiration and healing in my life.

I think NDT really is a new movement in the field of human-animal relationships and speaks to the challenges in our society and world. I'm also fascinated as all this is really very relevant to my work with children with autism. I'll post on that in a new thread somewhere sometime.

[Sang]

You're right, this work isn't easy, but it is amazing.

We all have our breakdown as well as our breakthrough moments. Sharing them with each other is really good for all of us so we can help each other continue to move forward.

I remember my big breakdown moment like it was yesterday, even though it was years ago. It happened after coming back from a walk with the 3 dogs, and this was at the height of the fights and conflict between Roxy and them. My wife was gone out of town for a month, and I was going it alone. At the time I was in the whole Cesar/dominance thing, taking them all out for a long walk in the morning, then another in the evening with an hour of fetch and stuff at the park to get them physically drained so there could be some peace at the house. Needless to say they were never REALLY drained. They were actually overstimulated. I was trying to do this alone, while doing my normal 8-5 job too.

Anyway, I was so into this whole idea that I had to be the "pack leader", and that I was failing miserably. My dogs were not happy, and I was not happy. They were fighting each other, Roxy was attacking other dogs, and even Jackie, the dog I adopted from a family at 4 months old who was the sweetest dog in the world was starting to attack other dogs too. I was so lost, frustrated, stressed out, physically and mentally exhausted. I was down on myself for being a failure, and angry with my wife for not being there to help me. I just broke down one day after coming back from another stress filled outing, and sat down on my living room floor and was about in tears. I know guys aren't supposed to admit this, but it's true. I didn't know what to do, but I knew that everything I was doing wasn't working, so I had to make a change.

That's actually when I first picked up Kevin's book and read it. We actually had a copy of it from when my wife got our first dog Delta, but it lay hidden away, I guess waiting for the right time to emerge. That day I had my breakdown is the day I read it, and it changed my life.

It took much more time after all of this before things really started changing. There were many dynamics at play and unresolved tension in our household that were adding to the stress as well for our dogs, but once we let go of that old paradigm and started embracing NDT, everything, and I mean everything, started changing. You would not recognize my dogs today if you had known them those years ago. They are happy, and relaxed. Roxy still has her issues that we're working through, but she's improving constantly. Even Kevin said that she's a hard one. Which made me feel better about the fact that it's just going to be a long road with her.

I share this with everyone so that you know that we all have our difficult moments when it comes to our dogs. I made SO many mistakes along the way and fumbled my way through it all. But it finally brought me to this place. And if things hadn't played out the way they did, I wouldn't have come to this place at all.

I left the Cesar Millan stuff behind years ago, but one thing I always hold on to from him is something he says quite often. Which is that we don't get the dogs we want, we get the dogs we need. I know I got the dogs I need, and I know everyone else who's come here did as well.

And here's a recent crappy phone pic of 2 of my dogs, Jackie and Roxy. Keep in mind these 2 used to get into some wicked fights. It's amazing how much things have changed. Now they play together and hang out together like old buds. I love NDT.

[BrownieNJoyce]

Sang, thanks bunches! nice to see your dogs!

[Margot]

I love that Kevin is discussing the metaphysical aspects of relationships with animals in so much more detail now.

Butters has taught me to have greater emotional discipline (meaning that I have had to curb my worries and fears) because my every feeling is his command. And this then becomes a part of who I am and how I deal with the world.

I wonder though if the world really is ready for natural dog training. I tend to think it is because most of the people you talk to who have dogs seem to understand this connection at some level.

[donnieo]

Anyway, I was so into this whole idea that I had to be the "pack leader", and that I was failing miserably.

This, I think is possibly the most destructive aspect of the dominance paradigm. It makes people believe that they are powerless because they have no control over their dogs. Also, I think that this is why the dominance paradigm is so popular. Most people to feel terribly powerless and in one situation or another where they feel stuck. Add to this some guy telling them that even their dog knows they're weak. We use our dogs to put our hearts first so these people are trying to take control of their lives by dominating their dogs.

I was listening to Neil's interview with Kevin the other day and something that really stuck out to me this time is the idea that it takes way more effort to lid your dogs energy than it does to work with it. By using dominance techniques to cap the energy you end up adding more to the system, which requires more to cap. It really is a downward spiral and a breakdown is inevitable, either of the dog or the human.