Change Yourself to Change Your Dog

[neilsattin]

Use this thread to discuss the following article from the Naturaldogblog:

Change Yourself to Change Your Dog

[donnieo]

This article really resonates with me and my own personal journey. I think that I gravitated to the dominance "pack leader" model because using dominance - or, more correctly, anger - in my dealings with people HAS, in a way served me. I was able to get my way a lot of the time at work, during arguments, etc. When I first got my dog and started to read about how I should train her the dominance model made most logical sense to me because it seemed to me that I was using my dog's "natural instincts" to train her. Now, I'm starting to realise that I was using it because it was in my comfort zone: I could be comfortable with being "dominant" because that was how the animal world was organised. However, in being dominant towards my dog, she was listening to me but not committing her energy to me and not giving me her energy in those high-stress, high energy moments, much like the people I was dominant towards.

The first information I looked at about NDT was the "There is No Such Thing as Dominance" episode of Quantum Canine. I was floored. The "Eyes" episode talked a lot about how the Dominance Model is really about dominating one's feelings and I felt like someone had pulled the carpet out from under me. This, I think is what "resonance" feels like. I feel like I had to take a very close look at myself, my behavior and my inner feelings. This has been a very informative albeit uncomfortable journey at times.

I can't remember which article it was, but you said something like "if you find yourself saying "my dog loves (blank)", put yourself in the place of "my dog" and see if that resonates with you. Well, Jinxsie is a notorious ball-stealer at the park. After yoinking whomever's ball, she would parade around with it while I chased her around trying to steal it. Something I'd hear from my friends is "your dog sure loves attention". I took the suggestion from the article and said to myself "I love attention" and sure enough, I do kind of like being the centre of attention, except that when it happens I get very uncomfortable (read: fearful) and make some goofy joke. What I think is even more interesting than this is that after saying this to myself and accepting it, Jinxsie's recall around other ball-playing people made a lot of improvement!

Anyway, thanks for this article. I think that the more that people realise that the changes need to happen at both ends of the dog-human relationship the better off we all are.

[neilsattin]

Hi Donnieo,

First, let me just thank you for your candor. You're clearly coming to some important personal realizations as you progress in your work with Jinxsie, and yes, I am talking about resistance to change on that level - changing one's belief system. As you've probably seen in the dialogue on both Kevin and Lee's blog - and with your partner - there can be a lot of resistance to change in the dog department. Probably for the very reason that our dogs can become projections of our emotional identity - and change on THAT level (the way we identify who we are as an emotional being) can be challenging (though I am working on ways to make that easier, which is what this series of articles will be addressing).

I was also trying to point out the change necessary on a smaller, more mundane level - that of "personal habit". Essentially that the way that our dogs are is the product of what we do, our routines, on a daily basis. If our routine (i.e. what we do with our dog) never really changes, how do we expect our dog to change? I can't tell you how many times I've had a lesson with a client, worked on pushing, talked to them about doing pushing at every meal time (or at least one meal out of the day) - only to follow up with them weeks later and find out that they pushed, you know, once in awhile - but certainly without any regularity.

So - when you want your dog to act differently (and, in many cases, to experience a total about-face) - how could that be possible if you still just, well, do what you've always done? If you start doing things slightly differently, then maybe you'll notice a slight difference. If you can create your own personal "about-face" - then you'll also be much more likely to see large change in your dog's behavior. And when the new way of interacting with your dog becomes a habit - something you don't even have to think about - that's when it becomes a habit for your dog as well.

[BrownieNJoyce]

I am also humbly on the path of self-improvement while simultaneously practicing self-acceptance as best I can. Working with my new dog using NDT is perfect for me right now since, of course, it's all related.

I like sayings/slogans/mantras and I sometimes use them to remind myself of my own responsibility to make things better in my life. I don't know where these come from but here are a couple of sayings I've heard about change:

"If nothing changes, nothing changes."

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."

[Drea]

I stumbled across this article last night, and I've been looking at just this concept when working with our dogs. While I am personally responsible for only one dog (Tucker P Macaroon), I share responsibility with four other dogs, as well as all the dogs that board with us at the kennel and all the dogs that I groom.

Since finding out about NDT (which has just been a short while, I might add), and Neil's work and philosophy, I *feel* that this is just where I need to be, both in my work with our dogs and in my life.

While massaging a dog is not a new concept to me, and I've been using parts of it when I groom dogs who are afraid or upset; specifically, massaging their cheeks which I find calms them, or laying my hand on the side of their neck while they are afraid in the tub, I hadn't contemplated massage while playing or while asking for obedience. Since I've incorporated it, I see *my* whole attitude and energy shifts while I'm working with the dog, and that the dog responds differently.

I've already mentioned that we feed our house dogs (five in total, and sometimes seven when family comes up from Albuquerque) in the kennel kitchen/office. It's a small space, so everyone is expected to go to their spot, sit or lie down, and be quiet while the food is being prepared and served. We also ask each dog to *do* something, then wait with eye contact before being released to eat. Moses, the deaf dog and the newest addition to the fold, is also the loudest -- why is that? LOL -- which causes Buddy (Bischon/Poo rescue) to start barking and spinning and jumping. Soon all the dogs are out of their stays. I'm coming to my point, really. Yesterday, I started to massage Buddy while he was in a down and asked him to stay down and be quiet, and I noticed two things: one, he stayed down and was quiet for longer than normal, though he did pop up a couple of times, and two, I was more centered and my energy was more quiet (if that makes sense). My previous interactions with Buddy were to ask him to lie down and be quiet, and when he popped up and started barking, I would ask him to lie down and be quiet, but this time with a little more predator-like behavior (I'm still learning the lingo and its applications), and the next time he popped up I'd say "Buddy! Lie Down!", which rarely got him to lie down and stay for any longer than before, but what it did do was make me more tense. Fascinating!

I have been a firm believer for most of my adult life that this world we live in is made up of energy, as are all the animate and inanimate objects on this planet. So it makes sense that energy is how we communicate. Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts and thanks for all the wonderful information on this site and from all of you on this journey.

[BrownieNJoyce]

I have been in ecstasy walking Brownie yesterday and today. He is now jumping for the push and is responding to redirects (even for cats) and more often turning to me spontaneously. I can't even tell you how amazing it is, but if you've experienced the shift then you know what I mean. If you haven't, keep practicing, it'll happen.

About a week ago Brownie suddenly started being freaked out during pushing practice. I couldn't figure it out! I thought maybe it was that I was wearing white sneakers and had only been wearing darker boots and shoes before. Or maybe the shadows since I had to put the flood lights on in backyard for our pre-walk pushing due to the time change. I had to go back to less than square one: sitting on the ground and offering food with only the food hand, then placing the pushing hand hidden under the other hand, otherwise he would shrink back. Then I began placing the pushing hand slightly in front of the food hand and gradually worked our way back to where we first started where I could be standing up and draw him over the push hand to massage his neck while he ate from my food hand.

It was like this for a several days. I kept thinking (which is typical of me) what did I do wrong? I felt sad and confused and had to remind myself not to interpret Brownie's behavior as a personal rejection (yikes, huh.) And, I didn't ask for help although I thought of it many times. At first I assumed it was something I did wrong and that unless I figured it out, it wouldn't get better (very typical of me in my life). Then I realized that I already knew what I needed to do: relax and trust the process. Neil had offered reassurance on this after I posted about an incident of sitting myself down on the sidewalk when I couldn't do anything else as Brownie pulled and pulled for a squirrel--I was nowhere on his radar for a few minutes.

Anyway, I just kept working with Brownie, gently meeting him where he was comfortable and I stopped thinking of it as regressing. I also acknowledged to myself and my husband that I was being triggered into emotions and ways of thinking that I needed to let go of and that what was going on with Brownie was perfect for me. We practice yoga and in the approach we practice, we move into postures only to the edge of the tension. And when I meet the resistance it has ties to emotions and thinking patterns. Breathing and relaxing and accepting what is makes the practice valuable. Otherwise it's just exercise. So my dog is bringing me back to yoga principles also. What a gift!

I don't remember exactly how many days ago it was when he started freaking out and I can't say for sure when my realizations occurred in conjunction with his changes but yesterday, seemingly suddenly, when we went out to push and walk, he jumped right up for each push and it has continued today. He is giving me so much more. Feels like a miracle but I know it's the result of NDT.

[Heather]

That's fantastic!

[minkysmom]

wow that's great. i had a similar experience with my Minky and separation anxiety when i tied him out at the food co-op (strangled, high anxiety barks - and no he wasn't choking himself on his leash but we had this 75 pound pit-cross going bonkers in front of the natural food store - not cool!)
Old response was to march back out, put him back in a sit stay or down stay, say yes, great that';s what i want and walk back in the store.... as soon as the thought crossed my mind to worry about whether he was gonna bark again - as soon as my stomach knotted up without even thinking the thought - yuh, you guessed it, Minky would do his High Anxiety.... It was like Call and Response.

So once i thought about what I was doing, the solution became obvious. Now that I know it's Not A Problem, i am calm and matter-of-fact and so is the dog. how cool is that?

[Alec]

I occasionally fall asleep on my recliner with the dog in the room. Behind us is her food and water bowl (both are ceramic). My cat has always messed with his water bowl, batting it with his paws and at some point he began doing it to this water bowl make it cling against the food bowl. At times it would wake me up and I would get upset and go upstairs to my bed. A short time later when it he clanged them together my dog got up as if she was annoyed and walks upstairs. Seems obvious when I write it out and it did to me and my wife as well when I said it aloud a few weeks later. "Shiloh doesn't like it when he does that" I said. We both looked at each other and I said it's because I don't like it, and she followed with a "I was going to say it's because you don't like it." Holy carp, she is my mirror! Recently I've taken it upon myself to not get upset about this and she seems more at ease as well. I really wish I could figure out what it is that I do to cause some of the other behaviors. One of these days...

[Sang]

Originally Posted by Alec

"I was going to say it's because you don't like it." Holy carp, she is my mirror! Recently I've taken it upon myself to not get upset about this and she seems more at ease as well. I really wish I could figure out what it is that I do to cause some of the other behaviors. One of these days...

Awesome realization!

It's so true that our dogs are only mirroring us, and that they are acting out whatever we are feeling.

I remember one time, a few years ago, I took my dog Roxy out for a walk in the late evening. This was before I started the NDT stuff btw. It was after sun down, so no light other than the light from street lights and houses. So I'm walking with her, basically in the dark, and it totally seems like we're the only 2 out and about. And then all of the sudden, a figure appears out of the dark about 10 feet in front of me, and the guy says "Hey, how's it goin?". I knew the guy, as he lives down the street from me, and he has an amazing German Shepherd, Molly. Anyway, I was completely taken off guard, and surprised, but at the same time, I had no time to anticipate the approach of someone and their dog. So I was still very relaxed and there was no build up of tension from me from seeing someone with another dog approaching. Normally I would have anticipated an outburst from Roxy as soon as I saw another dog approaching, and then the tension would have just gotten more and more intense the closer they got, and Roxy would of course then react the only way she knew how, which was to go into overload.

But this time was different. Because there was no time for any tension to build, no stress running through my body, as far as Roxy was concerned, there was no danger. So the dog that 99.9% of the time would go into ballistic aggression, parked it and stood quietly next to me as the guy and I talked and his German Shepherd stood there by his side. It certainly helped that he has a very calm, relaxed dog as well, but Roxy's reaction, or lack of one, just floored me. It wasn't until after we had walked on that I realized just how profound that moment was. Like I said, this was before starting NDT, so she was still not getting a proper outlet for her energy, which only made her response that much more incredible.

I had always known on some level that we affect our dogs and they mirror us. But that moment really crystallized it for me.