Keeping neighbors dog away from our property

[BrownieNJoyce]

Neil, I hope this post is appropriate. Please delete or edit if not. I'm new to this and can be very enthusiastic about sharing and have sometimes gotten feedback that it's too much.

Hi to all who've posted on this thread and future readers. I know I'm way after the fact and Pateceelou has probably long ago found resolution. Nonetheless I wanted to mention that the suggestions Neil gave sounded a lot like an approach called Non-Violent Communication (NVC) which was developed by Marshall Rosenberg. Neil: are you familiar with it? If not, I appreciate however you've developed the clarity you have. Inspiring! I love how NDT is so congruent with my spiritual practices and everything I desire in relating to myself and the world.

Anyway, NVC (not unlike NDT) is about identifying needs and finding resolutions that work for all involved. This requires being able to distinguish between feelings and needs and communicating in a way that does not elicit defensiveness. So, imho, Pateceelou doesn't have to be concerned about creating more of a problem as long as the intention is to get everyone's needs met which it what it sounded like was already the plan.

The other aspect of it is listening for what is underneath what the other party says to help identify their needs if they aren't clear what they are (most of us are not skillful at recognizing our needs.....yet).

The goal isn't to get others to change in the way we initially think they should, but to get everyone's needs met which is ultimately the only way for us to live in harmony with each other. Another key is to be careful only make requests, or help the other come up with solutions rather than making demands (which are often disguised as requests by saying it nicely).

Anyway...if interested, check it out.
The Center for Nonviolent Communication
I'm a long-time informal student of interpersonal communication and have learned/practiced several methods/approaches and this simple but challenging practice has been pretty powerful me.

[BrownieNJoyce]

I don't think I really made the connection that I see between these two very clear. So my understanding of NVC at this point is that it's about relationship not dominance and letting go of the mindset in which behavior is right or wrong. Also, rewards and punishments are actually ineffective given that what brings us joy is being aligned with each other and focusing on meeting needs. So this is congruent with NDT in that we are not using rewards or punishments with our dogs. We are learning how dogs experience the world and how to help them get their needs met in a way that is mutually beneficial. And it's definately a practice of relationship building not dominance and submission.

[neilsattin]

Thank you for bringing NVC into the mix. I have heard of it, and a friend of mine is a practitioner (he's been giving presentations on NVC around southern Maine), although I don't have much first-hand knowledge of the techniques. It does seem like a powerful practice, and I think you're right that it's in alignment with what NDT is trying to do for our relationship with dogs.

The question of "needs" and how to fulfill them is one that I'm actually going to be addressing more and more, both on this site and elsewhere.

I'll take this as an indication, though, that I should learn some more about NVC - and hopefully experience even greater interpersonal harmony as a result!