Back off, or stay the course?

[donnieo]

Hi all;

The day before yesterday Jinxsie had a panic attack in the park while she was posted up and though she would speak a bit, I really couldn't get through to her. It was the first one she's had in a while. I didn't do anything with her yesterday because during the panic attack I definitely lost my cool and gave her a couple of Cesar-style corrections (which of course didn't help) and yelled at her. So I think we both needed a day to chill out.

Anyway, my question is what do I do with her today? Part of me thinks to go back to the park and post her again and the other part thinks I should go easy today and do some of the more playful pushing that we normally do. Obviously I won't get an answer before I take her out in 5 minutes from now but I just thought I'd ask while it was in my head.

[Indy]

I can definitely relate to how you feel. I went through something similar yesterday.. I arrived home from work and Nelly, who had been doing great out of her crate, had ransacked most of my house. Needless to say, I got really angry.. not at her, but really at myself for not sticking with the crate. It seemingly came out of the blue, but I realized I'd been feeling a lot of anxiety from work the past couple of days.

What about her panic attack made you angry? For me, it boils down to control. I want my dog to get better and to be able to live a harmonious life. At the same time, our dogs are our mirrors, and they're acting out what's unresolved within ourselves. When I get angry when Nelly has a panic attack, I'm actually getting angry at myself for not being in control. It seems paradoxical.. I *don't* want to control my dog, but when it really comes down to it, I do. It means I want to control the emotions I've judged to be "bad". When Nelly panics and the dark stuff gets brought to the surface, I feel out of control of what I'm feeling.

So what should you do with her today? Think about why you want to take her back to the park, what's the motivation behind it? I would reflect on why you got angry, on a really deep level, why you felt that way when she panicked. I've come to realize that while I admittedly hate it when Nelly has a panic attack, it's actually giving me a chance to see something inside myself. It's a vulnerable and uncomfortable feeling, but I figure it is the right start.

I might be totally off base and maybe none of this applies to you and Jinxsie, but I thought I'd share my take

[Sang]

When in doubt, do nothing. My feeling is that often the best things happen when I just stop worrying about what my dogs do. I can totally understand your frustration, but in those moments it’s important to take a step back and stop looking at what the dog is doing, and pay more attention to how your dog’s behavior is making you feel. What is it about her display of weakness in that moment that causes you to feel the way you do?

So my advice would be to take a break and try not doing anything for a little while. Maybe take the week off of the training, play more, and just have fun. Remember that the doing nothing is just as important and powerful as doing all the training stuff.

[donnieo]

Indy, you totally hit it right on the head. When Jinxsie's fear comes out in that incoherent way, she reminds me of all the times that I've kept my mouth shut instead of saying what's on my mind or in my heart, all of the times that I haven't done something because I was afraid of the outcome. Lately I've been feeling held back, anxious and just generally out of sorts for reasons I won't go into here. Right now I don't feel like I have a way of letting go of these feelings, or maybe I'm afraid to take that step.

Yesterday I did end up bringing Jinxsie back to the park and posting her up and there was a bit of panic but I kept myself grounded and she did okay. Today however, we just went for a walk through the park and had a great time. She kept pretty close and always looked for me if I hid on her. She even came in for some pushing when another dog came into the park! It was a great reminder that the reason WHY I'm doing all of this is to have fun with my dog. I was also very humbled by Jinxsie's unconditional love and reminded to show her the same.

Thanks to both of you for your responses. Sang, I just gotta say that you are a continuous inspiration for me and I always appreciate your thoughtful and wise advice.

[Chris]

It's always nice to read I'm not the only one who has times like this with their dog. It's always surprising how some day's no matter what comes up I feel I can cope and others the smallest thing and I lose the plot and get mad.

Once I get over being mad at myself for losing it I normally take 3-4 days of nothing other than hanging with the dogs and that seems to get me back on track.

[rudy]

she reminds me of all the times that I've kept my mouth shut instead of saying what's on my mind or in my heart, all of the times that I haven't done something because I was afraid of the outcome.

Oh yeah. That's me, too.

Lou lets it rip. He does NOT hold back.

On the continuum of the "easy" to heal dogs who bite readily and the "hard" to heal dogs who will just don't bite, I fall on the non-biting end.

I often wonder if Lou will only be healed AFTER I actually do what I know needs to be done and that I'm resisting (stonewalling).

I need to get my bite out

[Sang]

Originally Posted by donnieo

Sang, I just gotta say that you are a continuous inspiration for me and I always appreciate your thoughtful and wise advice.

Thanks Donnie. Your appreciation is much appreciated.