Being true to yourself/trusting your dog's good nature....

[donnieo]

So far, I'd have to say that the most difficult thing about practicing NDT with Jinxsie is being honest with myself about how I'm feeling in the moment, but due to a recent "aha!" moment, I've come to realise how important this is. The other day we were practicing loose leash walking with Lee's technique, and she kept moving out of the pocket, walking ahead, pulling on the leash, everything she normally does. I was trying to "stay positive" and keep praising her and telling myself over and over that this is just part of the process. Finally, I stopped, took a deep breath, and said "FUCK! I AM SO FUCKING MAD RIGHT NOW!" (pardon the language). A funny thing happened: Jinxsie came back and sat at my side. I crouched down, gave her some food and some good pets on her topline, took a breath and said "let's walk!". She was pretty good after that and a lot easier to get back into the pocket. When we got to the offleash park, she stayed pretty close and we had a good time together, playing, training and just walking around together. She even gave me a really solid heel while this big goofy Samoyed came up to us and started barking. I think that if she was trying to tell me something, it was "don't blow sunshine up my butt. Just be honest about what you're feeling and things will go much smoother."

Today, I had an experience right out of Neil's "Dog Training: How to Turn a Negative Mindset into a Positive Mindset through Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Action" article. We were on our way out of the park, and this little curly haired black dog with her owner was walking towards us on the path. I could see that the dog was anxious: tense body language and walking very apprehensively towards Jinxsie. Jinxsie approached very cautiously and they had a very tense sniffing at each other's noses. We were just about past them and all of a sudden Jinxsie got very snarly, which got the other one doing the same. It was over in a matter of seconds, and the other owner looked at Jinxsie and said "bad dog!", which luckily rolled right off of her. I apologised, and the woman, not even looking back at me said "well you have to correct her when she does that!" and kept walking. Of course I didn't correct her, I just kept walking and started loose leash training as if nothing happened. I'm sure that little dog gets corrected all the time, which is possibly why it was so tense in the first place, which is possibly why the whole incident occurred. It's easy for me to be non-judgmental about Jinxsie's behaviour in those situations, but I find it more difficult when it's in the home and she tries to chase the cats off their food dishes. When that sort of thing happens, I try to pause, remind myself that it's a natural thing for her to do and think about ways that I can prevent it in the future. I guess that's the second big challenge for me: to love unconditionally.

[Chris]

Great post Donnieo, I can so relate to what you are going through. I have also been in a similar situation where I'm trying so very hard to get it right then I suddenly exploded with some bad language about how mad I am about not getting it right, I always felt so much better after and like Jinxsie Ty also seems so much more in-tune with me.

Re the cat food dishes. My last three dogs would never go near the cats dishes but back then I did use corrections, but Ty's always been in there to get the food. What I do is put him in a down where he can watch the cats eat, once they walk away from the bowls he looks at me and I give him the command to 'eat up' and he's allowed to then lick the dishes clean. I can now wander about doing stuff while the cats eat but if I range too far Ty may try the odd sneak in early but over all it works well. The cats get to eat in peace and Ty gets to do the dishes.

[donnieo]

Normally I shut the cats in a room so they can eat in peace, but I'm going to give that a try. I haven't quite figured out how to get her to stop trying to herd the cats (she's a Shep/Border Collie mix) but hopefully that would help her feel more comfortable around the cats in general. One of them will just bop her on the nose if she gets to close but the other one is not quite as bold.

[Chris]

I was lucky with my last three dogs, we had TomTom, big black panther of a cat that took no rubbish from ANY dog, even so called cat killer dogs. He trained all my dogs to respect cats but sadly was very old when Ty arrived and didn't have the energy for a wayward 8 week old pup who chased everything that moved

Since starting NDT Ty's chasing of the cats has greatly reduced and he now has a far better relationship with them all. One even plays very rough with him.

[neilsattin]

And you're on it, especially when you're with your dog.

I'm glad that you got to see several facets of the dynamic of how your emotions affect your dog - either holding emotion in (as in the case of your anger), or relaxation letting the tension of a moment flow through you.

A few questions:

1. Have you been working on the heeling (with long lead dragging)? i.e. the "offleash" heeling?
2. Have you tried redirection around the cats/food?
3. Another option - how about down/stay when the cats are eating - followed by heading outside for some tug/push?

[donnieo]

Originally Posted by neilsattin

A few questions:

1. Have you been working on the heeling (with long lead dragging)? i.e. the "offleash" heeling?
2. Have you tried redirection around the cats/food?
3. Another option - how about down/stay when the cats are eating - followed by heading outside for some tug/push?

Usually on our walks to the park I will start with a bit of pushing, then use Lee's "Leash Walking 101" technique to get to the park. Then when we're there we do a fair bit of offleash heeling and box training interspersed with tug, fetch-tug, and general tearing around the bushes. I find that she is starting to orbit closer to me and if she does see something that sends her off, I hide behind a tree and she returns very quickly.

Normally what I do if I see her heading into the room where the cats are fed, I'll call her or start praising her. She will respond to this by coming to me and laying at my feet. I haven't tried the down/stay, but I think I will give it a try.


Overall, I'd say that our training has improved remarkably in the last little while, particularly her heeling. The other day in the park she even gave me a really nice heel while this big goofy Samoyed was running around and barking at us! Because of my schedule recently I've been taking her out quite early in the mornings before the sun comes up and then in the evenings so we hadn't had much opportunity to work on redirecting around squirrels, which are definitely her biggest learning block. However, today I was able to take her out a little later and she didn't do too bad: she still wanted to stalk them, but if I was able to redirect her early enough she would even heel past them. However, when one crosses our path by surprise she still goes nuts. Baby steps! I haven't even bothered trying the running down yet, because I think we still need to build a stronger foundation with the other stuff before working on it.

[ellesbell]

...i find myself coming back to this thread and reading over and over donnieo's experience.

"I TRUST IN MY DOG'S GOOD NATURE" has become my mantra during our walks in a serious effort to keep myself calm and positive as we encounter other dogs (or cats) and tigger goes ballistic. try as i may to sweetly and happily call his name, i feel my blood pressure rise and old "dominance" habits kick in (the urge to yell and correct on his collar).

only yesterday, as i repeated again, "i trust in my dog's good nature" it dawned on me that its not my DOG'S nature that i don't trust. i do know, deep down, that tigger is a great dog and wants to give me his energy in positive ways.

it's me.

i'm not sure why i'm finding it so hard to let go of the tension that has now become a part of our routine walks. i've tried to take a moment before we head out to center myself, breathing and reapeating my mantra, along with "this is going to be a calm and happy walk." one minute we're trotting along, perfectly fine, and the next minute (sometimes he sees them even before i do) he's lunging at the end of his leash growling and flailing wildly to get out of restraint. its takes everything within me just to hang on to him and walk (read: drag) him by. there's nothing calm and happy about it. we'll finally make it to our field, push and play fetchtug, and just as i'm relaxing and letting go of some of that frustration, it's time to head back and most likely have another fiasco on the way. i feel as if all that work we're doing is just going to waste. tigger is interested in me ONLY if there is nothing else going on around him, and where we live that is very, very unlikely. i'm afraid getting -or remaining- stuck in this pattern.

i know neil has several articles on the subject and "Dog Training: The importance of staying relaxed and resolving your own emotions when you work with your dog" has been some help. but i also very much appreciate these forums and being able to share frustrations (and hopefully someday successes!) with other real dog owners.

[Chris]

Originally Posted by ellesbell

. i feel as if all that work we're doing is just going to waste. tigger is interested in me ONLY if there is nothing else going on around him, and where we live that is very, very unlikely. i'm afraid getting -or remaining- stuck in this pattern.

I fully understand your frustration, been there, still there at times. For me I had 20 years of "dominance" training with my dogs and it truly takes time to change your thinking and reactions. Only the other day Ty for the first time in ages rushed after one of our cats and without thinking (not a good thing) I rushed after him and yelled at him NO, I tell you the look on his face brought me down to earth in a big hurry. All I could do is hang my head shame at my reaction and tell myself I will do it better next time. I quickly had a game of tug with Ty to make my peace with him. Then yesterday we had two dogs walk past the fence and Ty rushed at the fence, this time the brain was in gear, I took a deep breath, knew he could not get to the dogs, grabbed the tug toy, called "toy' and even though he was all fluffed up and pacing the fence line, he hardly barked (big improvement) and he came to me for tug (massive improvement), he then lost it a bit and went back to the fence but again I kept it cool and got him back for more tug and lead him away for some pushing. So some days you just don't get it right but slowly you will do better and better.

As Ty is/was also a big lunger on the lead it is hard sometimes not to get very tense as you can and do get hurt, I've had arms and shoulders badly pulled when he's seen a dog I haven't and I've even been pulled into a tree so hard I had bruises for days so when they start to lunge it takes a lot practice to not tense up and stay calm and deal with the situation.

Don't stop all the work, it will pay off.

[neilsattin]

How many times, in life, are we stuck in patterns? Even when we realize that the pattern isn't serving us we can still replay the same pattern over and over again. Part of the fun of life, I think, is getting those moments of awareness where you not only see the pattern, but you see the beliefs, or choices you make, that lead you down the same path over and over again. Then you can perhaps make a surprising new choice. It's what good comedy is made of.

If you're focused completely on the result you're after (like, say, a calm happy walk) then it's possible that you're missing what is happening in the moment. Sure, set your intention - but it's not about denying what is - because in "what's happening" are the clues to how to go about changing the pattern. It's the process of getting there that leads to true insight - and a calm, happy walk will simply be the result of that process.

The especially good news is that you ARE making changes. And even if those changes only alter the course of your direction by a few degrees, you will still end up in a completely different place at the end. So you have already started making choices that will, ultimately, unstick you from the pattern.

We can also talk at some point about ways to change your own emotional state that will give you some additional strategies for change "in the moment".

I hope this is helpful! Tell me what comes up for you after reading these words. If you feel like it.

[ellesbell]

chris - it's incredibly encouraging to hear that you were able to rewire that "dominance" thinking after twenty years! that's a big accomplishment! the first year i had tigger i was constantly told to "aniticipate and correct" which honestly i think just trained ME to be way more anxious than necessary. i remember as a kid i could get any dog in the neighborhood to play and listen and follow me anywhere, but i guess the pressure i put on myself to be a "good dog owner" and have a well-behaved dog (versus just having fun) ended up doing waaaaay more harm. and even though i recognize that, it's still difficult to quit being so jumpy and easily frustrated. (and that was only ONE year of "dominance" training!)

Don't stop all the work, it will pay off.

sometimes that's all someone needs to hear!

If you're focused completely on the result you're after (like, say, a calm happy walk) then it's possible that you're missing what is happening in the moment. Sure, set your intention - but it's not about denying what is - because in "what's happening" are the clues to how to go about changing the pattern. It's the process of getting there that leads to true insight - and a calm, happy walk will simply be the result of that process.

The especially good news is that you ARE making changes. And even if those changes only alter the course of your direction by a few degrees, you will still end up in a completely different place at the end. So you have already started making choices that will, ultimately, unstick you from the pattern.

thank you neil for the kind words of encouragement. i do suppose i need to be more trusting of the entire process, instead of focusing my hopes and energy into a final result. i still do wonder (and worry) if all that negative energy on my part will negate the work that we were doing just a few moments earlier.

that said, ANY suggestions you might have for putting my own emotional state in check ESPECIALLY in the moment, i would greatly appreciate! it's so easy to acknowledge where i went wrong after the fact and say, "next time i will do it differently." but when my fifty pound dog lunges unexpectedly, growling and thrashing around and biting at the end of his leash, while i'm getting dirty looks from the other dog owner and trying my darndest just to pass by, the only thing i can be sure of is that my blood pressure is through the roof! (i'm pretty sure it's the same processes/beliefs/habits/choices every time, and boy will my "a-ha!" moment be when i figure out how to change that!!)